It’s Mother’s Day. That one day of the year that should be the exclusive domain of the mother in your world. Not a Pagan holiday – but yet a day acknowledged by us. But how many celebrate the day in honor of the real “Mother” – the Earth that sustains us all. Oh, that’s done on Earth Day, you say…oh ok, well then let’s focus on more mundane mothers.
Not all women are destined to be mothers, no all women want to be mothers, and some women just shouldn’t be mothers. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with not being a mother is the truest sense – not giving birth. There are many other ways to be a “mother.” All it requires is unconditional love…simple, huh..? Well, maybe not so much. And yet, a true mother offers just that to her children, be they born to her, adopted by her, or found on the street by her. They can be boys, girls, cats, dogs, ferrets, hamsters, or anything else a woman gives unconditional love to. Yes, you do have to be female to be a mother. But understand in my world, gender is determined by who you are, not what genitalia you happen to be born with.
Unfortunately, there are also women who are termed “mother” but have no right to the title. Women who abuse or abandon the children they created. Many would like to deny that a mother could ever harm her child, but I hate to tell ya, it happens EVERY DAY, in any number of ways. Beating or physically harming a child is not the only form of abuse there is. I would hazard to say, may reading this are fully aware of that, as many of the Pagans I know have been, as children, harmed by their mothers (and fathers). But most have done their best to overcome that damage (yes, I said damage, because it IS damaging. There is NO SHAME in admitting you are damaged through no fault of your own. The shame is in denying it, looking the other way, or pretending you are perfectly normal when you aren’t.)
Mothers sometimes cause damage unintentionally, in the “best interests of their child.” Things like teaching a little girl that the way a marriage works is that the man is in control, and has the right to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, by staying in an abusive relationship. Children learn more by seeing than they ever will by what you say. In my opinion, it is just as bad to teach a child that marriage is a simple co-existence with someone you really don’t like, by staying in a relationship where the only thing the partners agree on is that it is better for the kids to have two parents than to be exposed to a true, loving partnership.
Mothers who avoid those mistakes by leaving those negative environments tend to do one of two things – either cease to exist as a woman, by not dating at all but rather throwing themselves into raising & providing for their child. They work ridiculous hours, and spend all their free time with their child. While this is admirable, it is still damaging. How will a child ever learn what a loving, healthy relationship is, if they never see the person they most rely on, in such a relationship. How will they even know such a thing is possible..? Again, this isn’t intentional damage, but it is still damage.
Other mothers go the complete opposite way, so concerned that their child have a father figure in their lives, that they date and date and date, and scramble to form a relationship. Unfortunately, this tends to lead to numerous, unstable relationships, and a child who thinks commitment is always short-term. They feel no one will ever be permanent in their lives, so have trust issues & find it hard to love someone – or easy to love everyone…
Some women just shouldn’t be mothers. Ever. They lack that “something” that makes a mom. They have all the necessary equipment to recreate, but shouldn’t. I don’t think this makes them any less of a woman. Perhaps, that special “something” is absorbed by the souls of our gender confused*** friends somewhere in the ether while waiting to “be.” There are many who are born with male genitalia who are awesome mothers. I don’t know, I just know that some women should never, ever, be given the care of a child’s physical & emotional growth. They aren’t capable of doing the job well, and shouldn’t attempt it. Again, I am not condemning these women. I don’t think it makes them less, just different. What may contribute to making them less is an unwillingness to accept that they shouldn’t attempt motherhood. They then place themselves in a position where they are responsible for a child (or children) and lacking all the necessary “things” to do the job well…
Motherhood is a trick bag of options, and there is no manual available. Yet, there are thousands of mothers who manage to do a supremely difficult job and make it look like a breeze. They raise happy well-adjusted children who become happy well-adjusted adults who carry on the cycle. Thank Goddess for these women! Our world would be in a sorry (ok, sorrier) state than it is if it weren’t for women who are willing to give all of themselves to nurturing & loving these little people who will one day be big people to whom the responsibility of raising more little people has been passed in the cycle of life. Those women who are willing to love unconditionally, not only a child they created & gave birth to, but ANY child who needs loved. They hug, kiss, care for, take in and show that there are good people in the world, that they are worthwhile people, worthy of love. Sometimes it is as simple as inviting them in for a drink when they’ve been playing hard – while the woman who gave birth to them is passed out in her room with her newest “father figure.”
So, to those spectacular people, Mothers, I say Thank You. To those who are trying, Thank You. To anyone who is a loving, caring, nurturing Mother, be you male or female, whether your children are human or furbabies, whether you gave birth to your child, or just loved a child who needed it, Thank you.
Happy Mother’s Day!!!
***I don’t think they’re confused, I feel everyone who is willing, knows exactly what and who they are inside themselves, and that that knowledge doesn’t necessarily match what others see on the outside…