Apology

June 13, 2010 at 8:48 pm (Uncategorized)

Sorry for the lack of posts…I’m sure all three of my readers are devastated…

It has been really, shall we say busy? around here…

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A New Look

April 10, 2010 at 3:54 pm (Uncategorized)

I know there aren’t many who come here a lot – other than me, lol, but I felt it needed a new look…if anyone has an opinion, please let me know 🙂

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birds~tag1b~michele~eye4expression (2)

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Hello world!

April 1, 2009 at 12:06 am (Uncategorized)

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

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Thursday This Is Your Spell – Fertility Spell

March 5, 2009 at 2:59 pm (Uncategorized)

Ostara, Eostar, or the Christian Easter – regardless of the name you call it by – or how vehemently you deny it – it is a fertility holiday. Rabbits – one of the most fecund creatures on the planet. Eggs – from which life springs. Newly blooming plants. All of these things represent fertility. In the vein, here is a fertility spell for those looking to add to their family and increase the love they have…

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Fertility Spell

  • Patchouli oil
  • Sandalwood incense
  • 2 pine cones
  • 3 wheat heads
  • Green Candle
  • Green marker
  • Paper

Rub the oil on the candle and anoint yourself around the womb area with a drop of oil. Light the candle and incense and place the pine cones and wheat into a cauldron or container. Visualize your magical goal and use the marker to draw yourself on the right hand side of the paper as you are now – draw yourself as you want to be on the left side (flat belly, pregnant belly will do just fine) visualize your goal while drawing – when you feel you’ve visualized enough tear the paper in half and fold the left side with your goal drawn on it into a small square and place it in your
pocket then light the other paper in the candle flame and place it in the cauldron to burn. Chant or pray for your goal to be realized as you watch the paper burn. Bury the contents of the cauldron in your yard – preferable a garden – leave an offering of a small crumb of cake on a crystal plate for any good spirits or fairies who might happen by.
Stay positive so you don’t attract the attention of any jealous or bad fairies! Keep the paper with your goal drawn on it with you at all times until your wish is granted then you can place it in a safe place for luck.

Disclaimer: No one involved in this blog or its contents may be held responsible for any adverse reactions arising from following any of the instructions / recipes on this list. It is the reader’s personal responsibility to exercise all precautions and use his or her own discretion if following any instructions or advice from this blog.

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Sunday Surprise – Song of The Otherworld…

February 15, 2009 at 4:42 pm (Uncategorized)

* Song of the Otherworld is Heard In the Balance of Spring *
By C. Austin;
From
http://www.celtic-connection.com/myth/v-equinox.html (this link is dead 😦 …)

Marking the dawn of the Celtic pastoral year, the vernal equinox celebrates the Otherworld in the moment of balance which occurs as the sun crosses the celestial equator. For the Celts, the solstice and equinox observations may have enjoyed less celebrity than the festivals of Samhain, Imbolc, Beltane and Lughnasadh. However, the semi-annual equinox was carefully noted, as it also brought increased visitation from the Otherworld. On the equinox, when day and night are momentarily equal, the busy activity which keeps the human and Otherworld separate momentarily subsides. In that time of suspended activity, the conduit between the worlds yawns, the "veil becomes thin." As the contents of both worlds mingle, the resulting tumult offers an opportunity for a renewed relationship with the unseen. An open mind is required for transacting with the Otherworld. As Yeats writes

"If he is skeptical about them, and would fain reduce them one after another to the rules of probability, this sort of crude philosophy will take up all his time."

Keep in mind that such meetings occur in a fleeting instant – longer dalliances in the world of mythos can lead to madness. It must be noted though, that those singular moments of insight can last a lifetime. Whether one believes such encounters are an external journey or an internal experience, they can be considered similarly. In both instances the contents and symbols of the Otherworld are approaching the individual from without or within. The equinox is just such a time when an association between worlds can be broached. By engaging in a simple ritual, perhaps a few minutes of silence, the frenetic conversations of everyday life recede, consciousness is reduced and the underlying song of the Otherworld has an opportunity to be heard.

The symbols which cluster around the Celtic observances of the vernal equinox and St. Patrick’s Day are particularly evocative in creating associations which are as useful to us as they were for our ancestors. Through symbols like the leprechaun and the magic shillelagh, one can visit the fairy kingdom of the Tuatha De Dannan. Wise and giving, lusty and tempestuous, they offer their myths and enduring company. The snake and the trefoil shamrock give evidence of the presence of the Goddess, wrapped in her verdant cloak of Spring.

The four-leaf clover reminds us of the later solar worshipping invaders of Ireland, just as the leprechaun’s pot of gold recalls the educated, priestly class of Druids who controlled the gold trade routes connecting Erin to continental Europe. T. L. Markey writes

"In the so-called primitive stage of many societies, webs of associations, highly symbolic in nature, are frequently woven between periods of the day, cardinal points, seasons, colors and social-spiritual values."

The "primitive" dialect of symbols which was created by our ancestors still exists in our unconscious minds. These symbols are composed of both personal and universal matter, and it is our association with those symbols which allows us to hear the language of our soul. Tending to those associations tends to the soul and renews the ligature that binds mortal to mythos. This year as you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day or the equinox, take a moment to enjoy the multi-layered experience of our ancestors.

Disclaimer: No one involved in this blog or its contents may be held responsible for any adverse reactions arising from following any of the instructions/recipes on this list. It is the reader’s personal responsibility to exercise all precautions and use his or her own discretion if following any instructions or advice from this blog.

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Thursday This Is Your Spell – Northern Lights Magics

December 11, 2008 at 2:23 pm (Uncategorized)

OK, ok, I know I’ve been slacking…but I have good reason. I have a 2-car garage so full of boxes, I can’t get one car in it…my computer is still not right – my Windows Live Writer has disappeared, and it absolutely refuses to reinstall – one of the guys from work is going to come look at it in a day or so, so hopefully that will be corrected soon…I have to give a birthday party for my almost 6 year old boy on Saturday…Christmas is only 2 weeks away, and I haven’t wrapped a single gift…*sigh* No rest for the weary, ‘cuz trust me, the list goes on and on…
But – that’s not your problem, and I will try to do better. With that being said, I am going to (try to) start posting daily again, hopefully following the guidelines I have established for myself…

* Northern Lights Magic *
by Sarah The SwampWitch

How to use the northern lights in magic:

1. I’ve used the added energy from the lights as an energy booster to many types of Magic – much the same way that the energy from an approaching storm can be used (what type of magic that I end up using the energy for depends on my needs at the moment and what phase the Moon is in).

2. I have used the lights as the quarter for either the element of air or the element of fire in my rituals, it just depends on my whim at the moment.

3. Since the fey dance at night under the Aurora Borealis, this is a neat time to do Elven or Fey magic.

4.. My family coven actually does what we call the yearly Northern Lights Rites. In this ritual we honor a Goddess (and I suppose some day we might honor a God ) that is connected to the Aurora Borealis and ask for whatever benefit that the Goddess is associated with. Some that we have honored are:

· The Frost Giantess Skadi (also spelled Skaoi, Skadhi or Skade). Known as the Snow-Shoe Goddess:
“When wolves howl upon the mountain heights,
Swift beneath the northern lights,
Skadi comes skimming o’er the snow.”
Skadi is a good goddess to call upon for help in doing protective magick, or if you desire to reclaim your own wild nature and to go outside your own limits and boundaries.

· Arianrhod – The Welsh Goddess known as “Silver Wheel” or “High Fruitful Mother”. She is a star goddess; sky goddess; Full Moon goddess; virgin; and the goddess of reincarnation. Her palace is called Caer Arianrhod (Aurora Borealis). She is the Keeper of the circling Silver Wheel of Stars, a symbol of time and karma. This wheel is also known as the Oar Wheel, a ship which carried dead warriors to the Moonland (Emania). She is honored at the Full Moon and so we did Her ritual when there were northern lights at Full Moon time. Arianrhod can be invoked for Beauty, fertility, reincarnation.

· The Zorya (ZOR-yah) are Slavic Goddess sisters. They are the Guardians of the God-hound, which is chained to the constellation, Ursa Major. Like the Fenris wolf of the Norse mythos, this creature will destroy the world if it ever breaks free. Each morning, Zorya Utrenyaya opens the gates of Her father’s (Dazhdbog) Eastern palace so he may ride across the sky. In the evening, Zorya Vechernyaya closes the gates after Her father’s daily ride is finished. Two other sisters, Zezhda Dennitsa and Vechernyaya Zezhda, the morning star and evening star are the caretakers of Their father’s horses and are sometimes considered to be the same two goddesses. The last daughter is called Polunocnica and She is midnight. All the Zorya are said to come together to dance and the light They radiate becomes the dancing aurora borealis. The Zorya are good to ask for help in protection and in family matters.

· The Valkyries (“chosers of the slain”) are beautiful young women, mounted upon winged horses and armed with helmets and spears. Odin needs many brave warriors for the oncoming battle of Ragnarok, and the Valkyries scout the battlefields to choose the bravest of those who have been slain. They escort these heroes, called the Einherjar to Valhalla, Odin’s hall. The Valkyries are also Odin’s messengers and when They ride forth on Their errands, Their armor causes the strange flickering light that is called the Aurora Borealis. The Valkyries are good to call upon for justice, and the dispensing of divine retribution.

· Aurora is the Roman personification of the dawn. She is also the Roman equivalent of the Greek goddess Eos. Aurora is seen as a lovely woman who flies across the sky announcing the arrival of the sun. Aurora has two siblings: a brother, the sun, and a sister, the moon. She has had quite a number of husbands and sons. Four of Her sons are the four winds (north, south, east, and west). According to one myth, Her tears cause the dew as She flies across the sky weeping for one of Her sons, who was killed. Aurora can be asked for help in family matters and new beginnings.

5. The Northern Lights are associated with dogs and foxes. In Finnish folklore the lights are called “revontulet”, which means “fox fires” a name derived from an ancient fable of the arctic fox starting fires fire or spraying up snow with its brush-like tail. Because of this my coven thinks that the Northern Lights is a good time to do any canine magic, like doing a Ritual to welcome a new dog into the pack… or doing a healing ritual for a sick dog. We often do Foo Foo dog magic** under the lights which involves howling with the dogs and what ever wolves, etc are out in the swamps at the moment.

* The Northern Lights Fairy Spell *
By Claire Nahmad

When the firmament is alight with meteoric phenomena and the merry Dancers assume their pretty gowns and make great sport up and down the curtain of the night sky until they are in a fair frolic and frenzy, these Northern Lights are come to let you know that the evening is full of magic, and the season ripe for spells and craft working. Therefore, coax a cat (better if she be black) on to your lap, and sit alone with her in the garden, stroking her until a sheen appears on her coat and she purrs contentedly. Have at your elbow a nipperkin of wine in a small vessel, and at the cat’s first stretch, anoint her lightly with the wine, making the holy sign of the cross on her head, and then do the same for yourself.
Gently grasp her tail and stroke it three times swiftly over your left eye, and then over your right, saying:

“Elves of the night, enchant my sight,
Your forms for to see in moon or sunlight’
With this spell and with this sign
I pri’thee, forward my design.”

Let puss run off, and steal away to your bedchamber, there to contemplate the moon and the stars and all the magical lights of the sky from your lattice. If you have found favor with the fairies, then mystic dreams will come to you that night, and afterwards you will begin to see Little People at their revels, faintly at first, but yet more clear, more lucid, as the fairy-enchantment blesses ever deeper your inner seeing.

(from Cat Spells: Cat Magic through the Ages By Claire Nahmad)

**This refers to the pack of small, fluffy “foo foo” dogs that Sarah shares her home withlol dawtch


Disclaimer: No one involved in this list or its contents may be held responsible for any adverse reactions arising from following any of the instructions/recipes on this list. It is the reader’s personal responsibility to exercise all precautions and use his or her own discretion if following any instructions or advice from this list.

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Sunday Surprise – Yule

November 16, 2008 at 5:27 pm (Uncategorized)

Yule
This post is taken in entirety from
The Element Encyclopedia of Witchcraft
 
by Judika Illes

The ancient Germanic calendar was divided into six periods of 60 days each, known as tides. Each tide was the equivalent of two modern months. Yuletide refers to the two-month tide corresponding to modern December and January. The winter solstice falls within this period, as does the 12-day period commemorated as the Twelve Days of Christmas. Similar to Halloween or the February Feasts of Purification, the veil between realms is thin during this time and ghosts and spirits walk the land.

Yule may be defined in either of several ways:

  • as the Nordic pagan festival that once began at the W inter Solstice
  • as an alternative name for Christmas; those who use that name tend to emphasize pagan survivals within Christmas, however not necessarily to the exclusion of Christian elements. This Yule begins on the evening of December 24th, regardless of the specific timing of the Solstice.
  • as the modern Wiccan sabbat that corresponds to the Winter Solstice.

The word "Yule" may derive from the name of a Nordic festival. Juleiss was the name of the Gothic month of celebration and fun. In Dutch, "joelen" means loud, fun, raucous partying. (My Dutch source suggests that joelen is what a crowd does during a football match!) Yule may also derive from the Anglo-Saxon word for "wheel," commemorating the cutting and rolling of the Yule log.

Christmas is permeated with Pagan traditions. The period of time beginning with the Winter Solstice,  and continuing for at least the next twelve days was a popular time for festivals in the pre-Christian world. Many traditions and rituals have since been absorbed into the Christian celebrations.

These December festivals included:

The Nordic festival of Yule. Its elements included the yule log, the yule boar, and devotion to evergreen trees. Odin, the shaman god, sometimes resembles the jolly gift-giver alternately known as Santa Claus, Father Christmas or Old Saint Nick. Odin studied shamanism with the neighboring Saams and perhaps learned something about herding reindeer, too. Although Odin isn’t the elven king – that’s Freyer’s job – the elves and Odin do come from the same territory.

  • The Saturnalia and the Feast of Ops: the Roman festival in honor of Father Time, also known as Saturn , and his consort Ops. For the Romans, Saturn was king of an ancient "golden age" of perfect happiness, before people had to farm for a living. His festival looks back to that early age with nostalgia. The Saturnalia celebrated the solstice and sought to protect winter-sown crops, but above all the Saturnalia was a joyous, merry festival characterized by gift-giving, especially to children. The Saturnalia counts among the wild, anarchic festivals. There are rituals to encourage fertility. Gambling and gaming was encouraged; cross-dressing was popular. Social distinctions were reversed, so for a few days a slave could be master. The ancient deity Saturn also bears something of a resemblance to that white-bearded ode gentleman, Good Saint Nick.
  • The Rural or Lesser Dionysia: allegedly the most ancient of the Greek festivals honoring Dionysus. Held at the very beginning of January, on this day even slaves enjoyed freedom. A procession was held which included a goat bearing a basket filled with raisins. An erect wooden pole carved to resemble a phallus and decorated with ivy was carried in the procession, too.
  • The Mother’s Night: a Germanic midwinter festival associated with the Norse deity Odin. According to the monk, historian and scholar the Venerable Bede (c. 672 – May 25, 735 CE) the Mothers’ Night corresponded in time with Christmas Eve and was the most important pagan festival in eighth-century Britain. Little information about the holiday survives. Mothers were apparently honored as were perhaps the ancient European deities known as the Matronae or "The Mothers." Divination was practiced at this time. Dreams on this night were believed to reveal the future. 

       In Russia, The season coinciding with Christmas was a time traditionally celebrated with cross-dressing, dressing as animals, masking and mumming.
December is the time for dancing,  singing, and feasting, a time when men masquerade as animals and especially as the Horned God. The Horned One carries a small broom of birch twigs with which to generate and enhance fertility power. His face is blackened with soot or charcoal dust so that he looks as if he’s come down the chimney. (It’s meant to emphasize his fertility and immortality, similar to the way ancient Egyptians painted Osiris black when the wished to emphasize his resurrection from the dead and the immortal life he had achieved.)
These wild defiant celebrations found their place within the Christmas. To this day conservative evangelical Christians discourage pagan elements within the holiday, suggesting that followers "put the Christ back into Christmas." Until fairly recently, Christmas, and particularly these pagan elements, was considered somewhat disreputable. It was once considered a wild and raucous holiday, which the defiant, anarchist forces of Earth attempted to dominate.
The New England Puritans refused to celebrate Christmas, for instance, while, in 1801, the Pennsylvania House of Representatives forbade masquerading at Yule. The punishment was to be no more than three months imprisonment and a fine between $50 and $1000, which was an incredibly large sum of money in those days. And in 1881, Philadelphia law banned Christmas Eve masquerading. (Not a problem; revelers simply mover their festivities to New Year’s Eve. Many customs now associated with New Year’s Eve were once identified with Christmas.)
Why? What were people doing?
Celebrations of the Horned One, excised from May Day, Midsummer’s and especially Halloween, survive at Christmas time. This is particularly apparent in the parts of Europe where Father Christmas has an official helper, like Black Pete or Krampus, Santa Claus himself may be the Horned One, albeit now in a padded suit. (See
HORNED ONE.: Krampus) German immigrants to the United States formed a sizable community in the state of Pennsylvania. They brought their raucous Yule traditions with them…….
To be continued when moving is done – puter is coming down 
       

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Saturday Special Stones – has been interrupted to bring you upcoming sabbat information…

October 25, 2008 at 11:38 am (Uncategorized)

* Samhain October 31st *
Posted by Galen

One of the Major Sabbats for Wicca/Pagan. The eve of lst November, when Celtic winter begins, is the dark counterpart of May Eve which greets the Summer. More than that, lst November for the Celts was the beginning of the year itself, and the feast of Samhain was their New Years Eve, the mysterious moment which belonged to neither past nor present, to neither this world or the Other.

Samhain is a time of divination, and communion with the dead, and on the other an  uninhibited feast of eating, drinking and defiant affirmation of life and fertility in the very face of the closing dark. Ireland’s bonfire and firework night is still Hallowe’en. In Scotland and Wales, individual family Samhain fires used to be lit, they were called Samhnagan in Scotland and Coel Coeth in Wales and were built for days ahead on the highest ground near the house. This is still a thriving custom. Now it has become more a children’s celebration.

The divination aspect of Samhain is understandable for two reasons. First, the psychic climate of the season favors it, and second, the anxiety about the coming winter demands it. The women back then use to seek to identify the husband to be, on Samhain, by conjuring up his image in a mirror. In County Donegal (it is beautiful there!) a girl would wash her nightdress three times in running water and hang it in front of the kitchen fire to dry at midnight on Samhain Eve, leaving the door open; her future husband would be drawn to enter and turn it over.

Samhain is a pagan ritual very deeply rooted in popular tradition that Christianity had to try to take over. The aspect of communion with the dead, and with other spirits, was Christianized as All Hallows, moved from its original date on 13th May to 1st November, and extended to the whole Church by Pope Gregory IV in 834. But its pagan overtones remained uncomfortably alive, and in England the Reformation abolished All Hallows. It was not formally restored by the Church of England until 1928, "on the assumption that the old pagan associations of Hallowe’en were at last really dead and forgotten…(a supposition that was certainly premature).

* Samhain Candle Superstitions *
-author unknown

A burning candle placed inside a hollowed out pumpkin or jack-o-lantern on Samhain works to keep evil spirits and demons at bay.
For good luck, burn black and orange candles on Samhain. Black and Orange are the traditional colors of Samhain and Halloween. On this day their magical vibrations are at their peak.
If a candle should suddenly go out by itself on Samhain, as if it  had been blown out by wind or by breath, this is said to be a sign that a ghost has come to call.
Always burn new candles at Samhain to ensure the best of luck.
Likewise, it’s not a good idea to burn Samhain candles at any other time of the year. To do so may cause you to experience bad luck and/or strange happenings over which you will have no control.
Gazing into the flame of a candle on Samhain will enable you to peer into the future. Many witches traditionally scry candle flames on Samhain to receive clairvoyant visions.
It is believed that if a person lights a new orange-colored candle at midnight on Samhain and lets it burn until the sun rises, he or she will be the recipient of good luck.
However, according to an old legend from Europe, any person who bakes bread or journeys after sunset on Samhain (Halloween) runs the risk of conjuring forth bad luck in great abundance.

* Miscellaneous Samhain Superstitions *
-author unknown

Apples – Whoever eats an apple on Samhain eve will have good luck in the coming year. If you sleep with an apple under your pillow on Samhain eve, you will dream of your future mate. If you peel an apple on Samhain in one continuous peel, and throw the peel over your shoulder, it will land in the initial of your future spouse.
Bats – If a bat flies around a house three times, it is a death omen. When bats flit around playfully it is a sign of good weather approaching.
Bells – Bells rung at Samhain chase away evil spirits.
Cats – When cats wash their ears on Samhain, rain is coming.
Crows – Crows flying over head on Samhain is unlucky, unless there are three crows in a group, then that is lucky.
Fey – Never sit in a faery ring on Samhain.
Frogs and Toads – Don’t kill a frog or toad on Samhain, it may be a Witch. Witches often take the shape of a frog or toad on Samhain.
Hawthorne – It is extremely unwise to sit under a Hawthorne tree at Samhain – since the fey might whisk the sitter away, never to be heard from again.
Spiders – A spider in a house on Samhain was a lucky omen.

Disclaimer: No one involved in this blog or its contents may be held responsible for any adverse reactions arising from following any of the instructions/recipes on this list. It is the reader’s personal responsibility to exercise all precautions and use his or her own discretion if following any instructions or advice from this blog.

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Thursday This Is Your Spell – More Love Type (sorta) Spells

October 23, 2008 at 1:04 pm (Uncategorized)

And Yes yes yes, we all know the drill. Love spells are bad. Love spells are evil. Yada yada yada. They harmmmmmmmmmm people. They interfere with free will. Yada yada yada yada. My best advice: Grow a brain and make up your own mind about love spells, don’t let a poem written in faux old English prose make your brain quit working. Become responsible for your own morality. You evolved with a brain, now use it. Don’t like love spells? Don’t do one. Want to play with love spells? Be my guest, but be sure that you are ready to assume the responsibility for your actions. ;-P

FETCHING SPELL
Found at
Lady of The Earth

Cast the circle in the usual way, invoke the Watchtowers and Gods, purify. Go into the center of the circle and get into the most comfortable position, a position where you can remain motionless and completely relaxed for a period of 10 to 15 minutes. Have with you either a picture of the person that you are trying to fetch or the mental picture if you don’t have an ordinary one. With the ordinary picture, concentrate in your mind the mental image of the person. Hold the mental image in your mind and dictate to this person what it is you will for them to do.

The Hyacinth Love Spell
posted by
Sarah the Swamp Witch

Purpose:

To return a loved one or gain the affections of a love interest. This spell may be performed with any type of bulb from a tulip to an onion, although the sweeter smelling ones seem to have more success. Plant the bulb in a new flower pot naming it your loved one as you do. If possible tape a picture of the desired one to the bottom of the pot out of the view of others. Every morning and evening when you water it chant these words:

"As this root grows
and this blossom blows,
may (name loved one) heart be turned to me.
As my will, so mote it be!"

Apple Binding Love Spell
From Lyz;

Upon the night of Full Moon, go outside with a red apple and a small knife. Carve the name of the person you want to love you and the word "loves" and then your name. Example: "Jon loves Sue". Bury the apple as close to your home as you can. As the New Moon turns to Full Moon, the love of that person will grow for you

 

Sweet Spell to make him/her yours
From Leia

Make a mixture of orange water, rose water, and honey. Add to this nine lumps of sugar on each of which you have written his/her name first and then yours. Burn a pink candle in this mixture every day for nine days.

Disclaimer: No one involved in this blog or its contents may be held responsible for any adverse reactions arising from following any of the instructions/recipes on this list. It is the reader’s personal responsibility to exercise all precautions and use his or her own discretion if following any instructions or advice from this blog.

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George Carlin – R.I.P

June 24, 2008 at 12:41 pm (Uncategorized)

Yes, I know this isn’t “witchy” per se, but as I am a big fan of George Carlin, I wanted to acknowledge his loss, and find an appropriate way to reflect that not only am I a Fan, but he will be missed in this household…I will miss him, and his views that, while claiming to be comedy, actually hit pretty close to the mark – at least with me. I went to Tom’s Hideaway, like I do every morning, to play the daily trivia game, and found this waiting for me. I hope Tom will forgive me for stealing/borrowing his post….but it is probably the most appropriate, for me….

George Carlin died of heart failure last night after checking into a hospital complaining of chest pains, he was 71.
Here is one of the many rants he performed in his great comedic career:

GOD

When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion.
No contest.
No contest.
Religion.
Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day.
And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do.
And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!
But He loves you.
He loves you, and He needs money!
He always needs money!
He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, but somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story.
Holy shit!
But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried.
I really, really tried.
I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things.
I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is
f*@ked up.
Something is wrong here.
War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades.
Something is definitely wrong.
This is not good work.
If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed.
Results like these do not belong on the resume of a Supreme Being.
This is the kind of shit you’d expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.
And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would’ve been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago !!

R.I.P. George

Disclaimer: No one involved in this blog or its contents may be held responsible for any adverse reactions arising from following any of the instructions/recipes on this list. It is the reader’s personal responsibility to exercise all precautions and use his or her own discretion if following any instructions or advice from this blog.

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